STOP being the 'yes' person

and start saying NO

We've all heard it a million times: 'Treat others how you want to be treated.' It’s a great principle that encourages us to be kind and empathetic. But sometimes, trying to live by this rule can lead us to become something we’re not. I know I’ve fallen into that trap before, always eager to say yes to everything even when it meant sacrificing my own happiness or needs. It feels like having a dual personality, being someone different on the outside while struggling with who you really are on the inside. Over time, it becomes exhausting to fit in always and, ultimately, leaves you feeling empty.

Why? Because we start being nice not because we want to, but because we're scared: scared of being turned away, left out, or judged by those around us. This ongoing worry can turn us into people who can't say no-making us agree to everything even when it doesn't sit right with us. All to avoid being labeled ‘disagreeable’.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being kind and agreeable. In fact, being nice often means you’re empathetic and understanding, and agreeable people tend to connect better with others and have fulfilling relationships. The problems only start to develop when we take this desire to be nice too far.

When we focus too much on making everyone else happy, we start to lose ourselves and forget what truly makes us happy. We start saying yes to things we don’t actually support and do things we don’t really want to do, all because we’re afraid of being disliked by everyone.

The question then arises: why do many of us struggle with the fear of disagreement? One reason could be that we’ve been taught to avoid conflict at all costs because we want to be accepted by others. The only problem with this is that constantly trying to please everyone holds us back from growing us an individual. When we keep putting aside what we want just to blend in, we forget what matters to us. And the more we chase after others' validation, the further we get from our true selves. 

As the philosopher Epictetus wisely said, ‘If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.’ When your mind is constantly consumed by thoughts of what others will think, it can quickly make you feel lost and disconnected from yourself. Because seeking approval often comes at the cost of our own growth and integrity.

Conversely, when we try to avoid being a people-pleaser, we can easily swing to the other extreme. Some might become overly aggressive, rude, or dismissive. But disagreeing doesn’t mean you have to be harsh or unkind to others. You can share your opinions firmly and respectfully, without resorting to insults or aggression.

Finding that balance is key. Disagreeing with purpose means being true to yourself while still showing respect for others and their views. It’s about standing up for what you believe in without losing sight of kindness and consideration.

But how can you be disagreeable and respectful at the same time? Start by setting some boundaries. Practice saying no to requests when they don't sit well with you, this helps you protect your own needs and priorities. When you need to disagree, communicate your thoughts clearly and respectfully. The language you use matters a lot. You don’t have to attack anyone to prove your point, just take a stand for yourself.

So, the next time you feel pressured to agree with someone just to seem nice, ask yourself: Does this reflect who I am? Is this what I want to do? Is this my honest opinion, or am I trying to fit in?

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